I super hate that phrase: "Netflix and Chill." I thought it was exactly what it sounded like. As a date, it sounds like something a couple who's been together for a while would want to do at the end of a long, tiring day. A boring date when you have low energy and no good ideas. Just sit on the couch while cuddling, perhaps, watch something mindless, and maybe eat some snacks. Chill.
So, what, it means sex?!
Sex is not bad. I'm not against sex between two consenting adults, especially if they are married to each other. It's part of a biologically healthy relationship. BUT WHAT THE HECK?! Sex is NOT chill! It's a physical activity that requires cardiovascular endurance. At some points, every muscle in the body is tense. My husband has told me that it's the best full-body exercise for humans (and he would say that). So in what way is that chilling?
Worst metaphor ever! Not a good innuendo! How did it come to mean that?!?! I would be super-duper annoyed if a man suggested we watch a movie and chill when he really intended to make me work hard. It's really rude to say "Let's relax and not worry about anything," if you really mean "Now work really hard and please me to the point where you will want a shower."
Like, if a man (or woman) asked you on a hiking trip, and told you it was a mild hike of one or two miles with no elevation gain. And then you find out after you're on the trail that he or she lied to you, and the trail is really TEN miles, straight uphill, and when you say you didn't dress for that, or that you're not feeling up to it, they look at you like a wounded puppy, a soldier betrayed, or worse, leave you alone, in the middle of the woods, stomping off in a huff. Wouldn't you be mad? That example is extreme, but drastically different expectations can have the same bad emotional effect in a relationship.
It's selfish and dishonest to suggest doing one thing and mean the complete opposite. Sure, most people probably know what that is supposed to mean, but still! If my coworkers had not explained it to me, I would not have figured it out, because sex is the exact opposite of chilling. Maybe that's the whole point and it's supposed to be ironic. I don't know. I don't even care at this point.
In short, GOOD GRIEF, PEOPLE! JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND STOP BEING ALL COY AND DISHONEST WITH YOUR LANGUAGE!
Okay, rant over. It just makes me super mad.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
The Meter of Attractiveness
The more TV I watch (especially Korean TV), the more I realize that there are a lot of beautiful people in the world, but not all of them are attractive. This is because it's not about looks.
Looks are initially important. Physical attraction is definitely important in a romantic relationship, but it is not about looks when you fall for someone. You've heard it before, but it is not about looks, guys; it's about personality. Your fundamental principles. How you treat other people. Your core. Who you are on the inside.
Korean dramas (other movies too, but lately that's what I've been watching) have made me fall for some guys, but not for others. Why was one handsome dude was more likeable than the other? It's what's on the inside that counts. I've found that it wasn't the staring into pretty eyes, the sight of a man's muscular torso, or romantic situations that made my heart go thump-thump, but certain aspects of a human's personality, such as:
Haha, it's not about looks, but they are just about the only place to start. To apply this to real life: What you look like is just what people see to form an initial impression of you. It does matter, but after talking to you for... maybe two hours or so, or better yet, seeing you overcome a challenge or handle a bad situation well, they should actually see you, and hopefully they will think better of you than they did at first.
Dating and finding a mate for life are tough in innumerable ways, but if you are going around thinking that you are just not attractive enough, you don't have to worry that much about your face or body. Sure, having minimal acne and a strong, fit physique do not harm your chances. Flattering clothing and haircuts certainly are good. But lots of people can and will see past any imperfections when they get the chance. Especially if they see that you regularly take time to try and improve yourself. You may even inspire them to work harder on improving themselves.
If you can't find other people that meet your expectations, take someone kind, free, and passably good looking and maybe try to get to know them by using a route other than the awkward small talk and dinner + movie dates. Instead, do things together in a group setting (you can see how this person interacts with other people too--a bonus). Play Ultimate Frisbee, or go clean some old widow's yard or help her paint her house. Go shopping, help someone move, play board or video games together. Whatever you do, do things that make you feel good about yourself, and if you can bring in other people, it gets better and better. And if you don't find a mate in doing these fun and rewarding things, you get friends, which are the next best thing and still a lifelong need.
People who attract me, friends and fictional characters alike, are those whose characters resound with me on some level. Those who make choices I'm proud of, who are kind, who are fighting to overcome their challenges and weaknesses, who care about the fundamentally important things in life, and take care of the people they love--as well as themselves.
It's tough to be an overall great person. What's important is that you try, and give other people room to try as well. Looks will fade, pretty faces will wrinkle, and in the end, what's in our souls is what will shine through our eyes and actions.
Looks are initially important. Physical attraction is definitely important in a romantic relationship, but it is not about looks when you fall for someone. You've heard it before, but it is not about looks, guys; it's about personality. Your fundamental principles. How you treat other people. Your core. Who you are on the inside.
Korean dramas (other movies too, but lately that's what I've been watching) have made me fall for some guys, but not for others. Why was one handsome dude was more likeable than the other? It's what's on the inside that counts. I've found that it wasn't the staring into pretty eyes, the sight of a man's muscular torso, or romantic situations that made my heart go thump-thump, but certain aspects of a human's personality, such as:
- Thoughtfulness or consideration for others (way underrated)
- Being kind and gentle to children
- The ability to get through an argument or handle stress without resorting to personal attacks or swearing
- Doing the right thing when one's head or other people say to ignore it instead
- Being honest even when it's uncomfortable
- Being competent overall, which includes being skillful, intelligent, or hard to trick
- Having a good sense of humor (I find love in the giggles and inside jokes)
Haha, it's not about looks, but they are just about the only place to start. To apply this to real life: What you look like is just what people see to form an initial impression of you. It does matter, but after talking to you for... maybe two hours or so, or better yet, seeing you overcome a challenge or handle a bad situation well, they should actually see you, and hopefully they will think better of you than they did at first.
Dating and finding a mate for life are tough in innumerable ways, but if you are going around thinking that you are just not attractive enough, you don't have to worry that much about your face or body. Sure, having minimal acne and a strong, fit physique do not harm your chances. Flattering clothing and haircuts certainly are good. But lots of people can and will see past any imperfections when they get the chance. Especially if they see that you regularly take time to try and improve yourself. You may even inspire them to work harder on improving themselves.
If you can't find other people that meet your expectations, take someone kind, free, and passably good looking and maybe try to get to know them by using a route other than the awkward small talk and dinner + movie dates. Instead, do things together in a group setting (you can see how this person interacts with other people too--a bonus). Play Ultimate Frisbee, or go clean some old widow's yard or help her paint her house. Go shopping, help someone move, play board or video games together. Whatever you do, do things that make you feel good about yourself, and if you can bring in other people, it gets better and better. And if you don't find a mate in doing these fun and rewarding things, you get friends, which are the next best thing and still a lifelong need.
People who attract me, friends and fictional characters alike, are those whose characters resound with me on some level. Those who make choices I'm proud of, who are kind, who are fighting to overcome their challenges and weaknesses, who care about the fundamentally important things in life, and take care of the people they love--as well as themselves.
It's tough to be an overall great person. What's important is that you try, and give other people room to try as well. Looks will fade, pretty faces will wrinkle, and in the end, what's in our souls is what will shine through our eyes and actions.
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