So, it's that time of year when everyone is posting about how they are so blessed and how grateful they are. Maybe you are seeing their happy pictures and thinking as you roll your eyes, "Oh, good for you! I'm glad everything is so hunky-dory and perfect in your life!" And maybe you are annoyed because Thanksgiving is coming up, and you are not feeling thankful, and you are annoyed that people are telling you to be grateful. I've certainly felt like that.
Well, to myself as much as to you, stop it.
You know these people. Don't think for a second that they don't have problems. Everyone you know, at any given time, will have something that they're struggling with. Celebrating a good thing does not mean that's all there is to the story. Being grateful for something isn't lying about having no problems at all. Gratitude does not betray your sorrow.
Or does it? If someone asks you how things are going, it's probably a lie to say that it's all good, and that everything is fine. Usually when we say that, I think we're saying that we're handling our struggles. It may be a desire to look capable or pride in not wanting to admit things are not fine. It's a quick exchange, usually. We don't want to go into the complexities of our issues or sound like a bitter, complaining soul (that we feel like we are sometimes), especially if the person asking can't help us. You may not even want help. You may find that your struggles are chronic and view them as unsolvable.
So, what then? Shall we just be grumpy this entire holiday season, feeling inadequate and un-festive while our communities throw jolly plans and decor at us? Shall we isolate ourselves further in this time of cold, dark, and viral infections? Am I just going to turn into Ebeneezer Scrooge a little more every year?!
Here's the thing which I'm sure you've heard before: it's all about perspective. Aaand that's probably annoying to hear again, but I think it's true. Two people can go through the very same circumstances and have vastly different versions of the story without lying at all. Two brothers and their families for example (See 1 Nephi 17:1-3; 20-21), suffered for eight years in the wild. One was grateful for their blessings, strength, and experience gained, and the other was mourning what could have been, counting their sufferings, and saying that it would have been better to die. That's a bit of a downer. It all depends on what they focused on. Look at any situation, like where you are now. There are bad and uncomfortable things, but I'll bet there are good things too, even if it's only a joke that still makes you smile. For me, there's the insomnia I still struggle with (which is not as bad as it was), and there was the kind lady who offered me her own umbrella when I were walking in the rain. What am I going to focus on? And you?
As I see it, there are always reasons to be unhappy, and the reverse is also true. There are just two ways we can go about it. Our memories are like a dinner we attend where the host gave us two drinks and we sampled both: one left a horribly bitter taste in our mouths, and the other is sweet. Drinking one won't make the other disappear. But which one will we decide to focus on?
Life is also like a blank page in a coloring book. It has harsh black lines that state the facts, and we didn't get to choose what the picture was. Maybe it was an octopus. Maybe you don't like octopuses. You didn't ask for it. But there it is. And here's the thing: you get to choose how to color it. My 4-year-old daughter decided her octopus would be a rainbow, so she and I colored a downright magnificent rainbow octopus with our markers.
You color your world. I'm telling you that you are not helpless. If you're too tired, maybe just fill in the polka dots today. Even if you only have a pen or pencil in your life's drawing, you can get creative and draw mustaches and glasses. You can color with friends. The people you let in your life can add things with their different perspective that you'd never think of, in good ways and bad. My brother once took a Thumbelina coloring book and changed her eyes that were too close together into one eye, and renamed her "Cyclopsina." That still gets me.
This time of year is hard when you aren't happy and you feel like you should be somehow. And when you feel like things aren't getting better, when your goals are astronomically far away instead of just down the street like they used to be, and you wonder if you will ever be okay. When you feel like that, STOP. Things will get better. You WILL be okay. I care about you, and I do not want you to believe something so slimy and false that will destroy your happiness. Don't ever think that you'll never be okay. You will be okay. Even if you have to wait until the long, dark night is over. It will end.
The first Thanksgiving, as I learned it in school, was celebrated by Pilgrims and Indians--fine--Native Americans. The pilgrims had left everything behind in their old world and almost died their first year in the new one. The Native Americans helped them survive, a kind example of friendship that is not common. Were they celebrating perfect lives? Hecks to the no! They were celebrating having an actual harvest. Friendship. Survival. Improvement. They took those gloriously orange pumpkins with the bland squash flavor and turned them into pies. I mean, eventually they did. Probably not at the first feast, but you get the picture. Life can always be better, but you can still color yourself a mean rainbow octopus. You can taste the sweet drink instead. You can count the good things instead of the bad things. The choice is yours, every minute of the day.
So, fine. I'm grateful for quiet time to write this morning, my own laptop, and WiFi. For that kind lady who offered me her umbrella. For you, since you're probably one of my friends if you're reading this.
Thank you for helping me color my world.
And if you want cheering up, Strongbad's kid's book. This still gets me too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT4SGdq0ZyU
And another fun thing: the fantastic Poets of the Fall song "Choice Millionaire." The video is odd, so read the lyrics if you don't fancy it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biZpPNzt3II
The inspiring and relatable scripture story of the two brothers that I referenced as well: https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/17?lang=eng&abVersion=V04&abName=GLOB88
