Your Balancing Act in the Circus of Life

I always think of Qui Gon Jinn in Star Wars: Episode I when I hear the word 'balance.' https://youtu.be/ojXpHwhIqO8?t=89 "He is the Chosen One. He will bring balance." Did Qui Gon want Anakin to kill all those poor little Jedi? Was that a good kind of balance? He was dying, give him a break.

So how are we supposed to live balanced lives? The minute we start to do something that we need to do, something else clamors for our attention! The minute I feel like I've made progress in one area, something happens as a reminder that I've neglected another important area, and usually with all the gentleness of a swift kick to the pants. WHY?!

It occurred to me the other day that the best metaphor for balancing our lives isn't standing still while juggling. During my day, I have to move a lot from thing to thing, sprinting, stopping, changing direction, being delayed, and so on. I realized that in our lives we're mostly moving. And when you're balancing physical movement, even for something as commonplace as walking, you're constantly adjusting in order to stay upright. In order not to fall while doing yoga, you make frequent, if not constant adjustments to keep your balance. 

In Rachel Hollis's book "Girl, Stop Apologizing," she said that "Work-life balance is a myth." She followed up with,"the scale is never balanced; it constantly shifts back and forth based on what needs my attention right this second." That there was no answer to working toward your goals and having a perfect balance between your work life and home life seemed weird to me, but I think she was right. I think that there's no one setting that you can set and forget when it comes to balancing your life with all the responsibilities you take on. With all the people you have to take care of, and all the changes you have to make now and then or everyday, you're moving. So while you move, you evaluate. You write down what's working and what's not. You consult your confidants and respected ones. 

Ultimately, you adjust as you go. Like standing on one foot while you lift the other in the air and spread your arms out hopefully like some kind of wise, centered monk, you adjust yourself to keep upright. Frequently, if not constantly, you tweak things here and there. As long as you're watchful and humble enough to give consideration to warnings or advice you get, I think you'll be okay. I pray an awful lot that I'll receive guidance, and I need to work on listening afterward to get that inspiration from God, but a glimmer of understanding has percolated into my tired brain lately. I need to move forward, and once I'm moving, I can see what's working and what's not. Ears and eyes open, priorities set and reset, day by day, we can make little bits of progress that will accumulate like the soft, white cotton seeds that are floating in the air right now. Well, hopefully more like rain. But not too much rain. Haha, we want balance, not a flood. I hope you have the energy you need today, and that this helps a little! Now I need to get off my duff and start moving again because this chair is no longer comfortable. ^_^

"Netflix and Chill?!?!" Warning: Rant Concerning a Sexual Innuendo

I super hate that phrase: "Netflix and Chill." I thought it was exactly what it sounded like. As a date, it sounds like something a couple who's been together for a while would want to do at the end of a long, tiring day. A boring date when you have low energy and no good ideas. Just sit on the couch while cuddling, perhaps, watch something mindless, and maybe eat some snacks. Chill.

So, what, it means sex?!

Sex is not bad. I'm not against sex between two consenting adults, especially if they are married to each other. It's part of a biologically healthy relationship. BUT WHAT THE HECK?! Sex is NOT chill! It's a physical activity that requires cardiovascular endurance. At some points, every muscle in the body is tense. My husband has told me that it's the best full-body exercise for humans (and he would say that). So in what way is that chilling?

Worst metaphor ever! Not a good innuendo! How did it come to mean that?!?! I would be super-duper annoyed if a man suggested we watch a movie and chill when he really intended to make me work hard. It's really rude to say "Let's relax and not worry about anything," if you really mean "Now work really hard and please me to the point where you will want a shower."

Like, if a man (or woman) asked you on a hiking trip, and told you it was a mild hike of one or two miles with no elevation gain. And then you find out after you're on the trail that he or she lied to you, and the trail is really TEN miles, straight uphill, and when you say you didn't dress for that, or that you're not feeling up to it, they look at you like a wounded puppy, a soldier betrayed, or worse, leave you alone, in the middle of the woods, stomping off in a huff. Wouldn't you be mad? That example is extreme, but drastically different expectations can have the same bad emotional effect in a relationship.

It's selfish and dishonest to suggest doing one thing and mean the complete opposite. Sure, most people probably know what that is supposed to mean, but still! If my coworkers had not explained it to me, I would not have figured it out, because sex is the exact opposite of chilling. Maybe that's the whole point and it's supposed to be ironic. I don't know. I don't even care at this point.

In short, GOOD GRIEF, PEOPLE! JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND STOP BEING ALL COY AND DISHONEST WITH YOUR LANGUAGE!

Okay, rant over. It just makes me super mad.

The Meter of Attractiveness

The more TV I watch (especially Korean TV), the more I realize that there are a lot of beautiful people in the world, but not all of them are attractive. This is because it's not about looks.

Looks are initially important. Physical attraction is definitely important in a romantic relationship, but it is not about looks when you fall for someone. You've heard it before, but it is not about looks, guys; it's about personality. Your fundamental principles. How you treat other people. Your core. Who you are on the inside.

Korean dramas (other movies too, but lately that's what I've been watching) have made me fall for some guys, but not for others. Why was one handsome dude was more likeable than the other? It's what's on the inside that counts. I've found that it wasn't the staring into pretty eyes, the sight of a man's muscular torso, or romantic situations that made my heart go thump-thump, but certain aspects of a human's personality, such as:

• Thoughtfulness or consideration for others (way underrated)
• Being kind and gentle to children
• The ability to get through an argument or handle stress without resorting to personal attacks or swearing
• Doing the right thing when one's head or other people say to ignore it instead
• Being honest even when it's uncomfortable
• Being competent overall, which includes being skillful, intelligent, or hard to trick 
• Having a good sense of humor (I find love in the giggles and inside jokes)

For me, those are winning traits. After seeing so many pretty faces, that is what I care about. It's funny, because usually the male leads in these Kdramas do not start out with more than two of these qualities, but have to go through a changing process in order to become decent people. Maybe that could be a metaphor about every human and life, but I think it might be kind of lowering our expectations so we'll be satisfied at the end of the show. "Hmm, he's rich and handsome... if only he could be tweaked so he has a good personality too..." (5-10 episodes later) "Ah, there we go!"

Haha, it's not about looks, but they are just about the only place to start. To apply this to real life: What you look like is just what people see to form an initial impression of you. It does matter, but after talking to you for... maybe two hours or so, or better yet, seeing you overcome a challenge or handle a bad situation well, they should actually see you, and hopefully they will think better of you than they did at first.

Dating and finding a mate for life are tough in innumerable ways, but if you are going around thinking that you are just not attractive enough, you don't have to worry that much about your face or body. Sure, having minimal acne and a strong, fit physique do not harm your chances. Flattering clothing and haircuts certainly are good. But lots of people can and will see past any imperfections when they get the chance. Especially if they see that you regularly take time to try and improve yourself. You may even inspire them to work harder on improving themselves.

If you can't find other people that meet your expectations, take someone kind, free, and passably good looking and maybe try to get to know them by using a route other than the awkward small talk and dinner + movie dates. Instead, do things together in a group setting (you can see how this person interacts with other people too--a bonus). Play Ultimate Frisbee, or go clean some old widow's yard or help her paint her house. Go shopping, help someone move, play board or video games together. Whatever you do, do things that make you feel good about yourself, and if you can bring in other people, it gets better and better. And if you don't find a mate in doing these fun and rewarding things, you get friends, which are the next best thing and still a lifelong need.

People who attract me, friends and fictional characters alike, are those whose characters resound with me on some level. Those who make choices I'm proud of, who are kind, who are fighting to overcome their challenges and weaknesses, who care about the fundamentally important things in life, and take care of the people they love--as well as themselves.

It's tough to be an overall great person. What's important is that you try, and give other people room to try as well. Looks will fade, pretty faces will wrinkle, and in the end, what's in our souls is what will shine through our eyes and actions.

Random Social Encounter

So, I had another funny bit of college nostalgia light up the tired recesses of my mind at some point yesterday. Or maybe last night. Perhaps in the wee hours of the morning... in any case, I remembered it in the bathroom and it made me giggle.

For a little background, I remember it was at some sort of International event at BYU-Idaho, a dinner with the various cultural groups performing demonstrations of what they did in their clubs. The Russian Association were dressed in white and gold and did a dance-- I recognized a few members from Russian 101 there. That was a tight class, by the way. It was only due to meeting my friend David in that class that I was there at all. I'd seen him on a Saturday and he had pulled me into the Capoeira group. I was terrible at Capoeira, but it was so much fun, so I'd shown up with the other crazily amazing Capoeiristas, representing Brazil. Since it was a martial art/dance/game, to stay warmed up while we waited to perform, we were bouncing and cartwheeling around the lobby. (Well, we'd do that anyway. No one quite goofs off like a group of Capoeiristas.) Around us were members of the Japanese group with their white and red flag of the sun, and some other countries that have blurred in my memory. While catching my breath, I saw an Asian guy sitting in a chair lining the 2nd floor wall, and, in my bubbly mood, decided to accost him.

I asked him if he spoke Japanese. I'd loved the language ever since my brothers had shown me "Advent Children." He replied that he didn't. Right then, my friend David landed a cartwheel nearby, and I, as if it was some terrible shock, said, "David, this guy doesn't speak Japanese!"

My wonderful, quick-witted friend immediately responded with a mock frown, "I'm offended!" and bounded off again.

"I do speak Chinese," the poor Asian guy said.

"Oh, that's cool," I think I said, and sat down next to him. We had a friendly conversation, where I found out that one of his parents was from China, and he was majoring in Art, as an illustrator. So that was fun. A nice random encounter, and not without a sequel. I met him again some time later in Tomassito's.

Again, some background-- Tomassito's was a splendid little restaurant on the bottom floor of the Manwaring Center, the bottom floor of the same building as before, tucked away in a corner of the food court. I loved it. The dining room was so small that even if you were sitting alone, you were still sitting near other people. And even if you didn't share a table, the walls were mirrored so you could at least watch other people. That might sound creepy, but it was a wonderful place to be social. And the food was cheap. A lot of my lunches were just a little more than a dollar for a mini loaf with honey butter.

Well, I was probably scarfing down one of those mini loaves, when we happened to make eye contact as he sat down at a table really close to mine. We smiled at one another, as most students did back then, and then I was struck with the awkwardness of realizing how odd I must look, smiling with my mouth full. Cheeks bulging, crooked smile. After swallowing, I turned to his table and said, "You know how awkward it is when you see someone while you're eating, and then they smile at you, so you smile back, but your mouth is full, so you know you look weird? I mean, what can you do? I don't want to not smile." He just laughed. He nodded in a friendly fashion as I hurried off to class, but totally thought I was crazy. He had just happened to catch me twice when I had no problem blurting out exactly what was on my mind.

Later on, my roommate's boyfriend AJ told me that he worked with someone who'd met me-- apparently this same Asian guy, whose name I may have learned but don't remember. I don't know how I came up in their conversation, but when AJ told him that I was probably the most normal of all his girlfriend's roommates, this Asian guy looked horrified, and said, "Her?! The most normal???" 

That was the end of our story: myself and the Asian artist who was half Chinese and had interesting hair. I was much less reserved as a freshman in college, perhaps because I was anxious to make those college buddies I'd always wanted, or perhaps because only three people knew me there when I started out, and I had nothing to lose by a little embarrassment. Well, I've done plenty of stupid things. Appalling a random guy with my weirdness is nothing to regret.

The Unreachable Itch

You know that spot in the middle of your back that you just can't quite reach? No matter how you twist or contort your arms, you can touch it but not scratch it? It's the kind you can get with some kind of stick or back scratcher, but then you tend to scratch too hard, and now it just hurts. Oh, and now it itches over there too! And over there. Sound familiar? It occurred to me today in the shower (https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/) that there might be a reason for that terribly unreachable spot. I couldn't reach it today. I get the itches just remembering. Ughghgh.

I think it's why we humans need each other. Because no matter how many nice back scratchers we can buy, nothing beats a compassionate human touch. It's frustratingly difficult to try and communicate exactly where it itches to someone else, just as it's irritating to try and follow someone's directions in search of the traveling itch, but when it can be done: bliss. That would be where the phrase "you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours" comes from. I always found that phrase somewhat uncouth, like it's said by a fat man in a wife-beater who might have fleas. Putting that mental image aside, it's about a mutually beneficial relationship, and hopefully, never involving fleas! Friends helping friends and finding satisfaction when their needs are met. It's one of many reasons that our species forms communities and civilizations. We can't quite reach that one spot in the middle of our backs.

Why are we designed that way? Why, in a world where we have to be tough and independent to survive, do we have to depend on others to be truly satisfied? Who enjoys needing someone else? I like having someone there to do the things I can't do, but the unfulfilled need is quite dreadful. This is probably the very lightest of examples. I am only scratching the surface (hehehe) of the drawbacks of loneliness. I can't do more than mention how much it aches to be lonely, because so many have felt it much deeper and longer than I.

Why do we itch? Because we need a scratch. Why do we feel hunger? Because we need to eat. Why do we feel lonely? Because without that feeling, we would never know that we needed anyone. Without the need, we probably wouldn't take all the time and effort to seek out or maintain relationships that bring us the most happiness and satisfaction. We need each other. Even though I like being alone, I don't think I'm ever as happy as I am when I can be around other people, helping them and being helped. I don't know why we are designed this way, but man, I do enjoy a good back scratching.

I regret writing this. It's the most itchy I've been in a week.

Congratulations on Your Future Suffering

The thought of listing everything that I want to complain about is exhausting. It's such a broad topic. I will try to focus on only one thing: the congratulations I got-- and that everyone gets-- when they are expecting a baby.

Well, what else are you going to say when someone tells you that "happy news?" Of course you congratulate them! You can't very well say "I'm sorry," and "You're going to have a bad time," especially if you don't know them very well. It would be mean to forecast pain and suffering in their future, even if it's true. So congratulations on the creation of a thus-far healthy life are the best way to go. It seems nice to say you're happy for the new parents... until they are crying at 3am, desperate for more than 20 minutes of uneasy sleep at a time. Then they remember that sentiment and wonder why you must secretly hate them, to say such a thing.

Being a mother for two months now has probably been the hardest thing I've ever gone through-- and I thought that most of college was freakishly hard. But at least I had two hands during college. Now I have a daughter that requires at least one hand constantly. Typing with one hand only is agonizing. But wait. I did not come here to list all the complaints I have about parenting and how much it sucks at times. That list would be too long. I don't have long to type.

There, see? I had to stop just now so my baby would stop crying and not fall off my lap.

You and I have not secretly cherished thoughts of a new parent's pain when expressing our gladness for new parents. We are not closet sadists, for the most part. We are being nice and are wishing them well with every congrats. We are happy for them because we get to see this family grow. We get to hold the sweet, warm baby and then give it back. We get to give hard-earned, unsolicited advice. We get to help and serve. We get all the benefit without the struggle.

The call for celebration and congratulation cannot be denied. The only other thing we can do is help. To offer specific kinds of help, such as holding the baby while mom naps or cleans, or shops. Saying she can call you anytime. This can save those parents in danger of becoming psychopathic zombie slaves (like me). It's a sort of mix between congratulations and condolences. I personally cannot express how much I appreciate it. I did try just now, though.

It occurred to me just a few days ago that babies are a gift to everyone else. As a new mother, I don't feel joy as much as I feel responsibility when I see my little one, but when I walk by with her, total strangers smile. Their faces light up and soften involuntarily at the mere sight of her car seat. Elderly people especially. She brings joy to everyone who sees her, just by existing. It's the strangest thing. And I can feel proud, because I've somehow managed to keep her alive since the day she was born. Two months now. I'll accept congratulations for that. Whew!

Learning is FUN!

Don't you hate it when people say that learning is FUN? I really hate it too. But in this case, I randomly learned to write some basic HTML! And it was actually fun. Just look what I did with my learning! I don't know if any of the links will work. I don't really care, because I'm going to go to bed far too late and will certainly not stay up later to find out why if they don't.

This is My First Try

Here is the First List:

• Trying to Learn
• Learning to Type
• Getting a Tiny bit Faster

Historic Events that Happened on August 22nd

1. 1485-- The Battle of Bosworth Field (Click here to read about it)
2. 1941-- The Siege of Leningrad Begins
3. 1956-- Peter Taylor is Born
4. 2016-- Clarissa Moore Writes a Page of HTML after Ron Gives Her a Template

Click here to see an another applicable happy dance.