Being Social

So, you know how hard it is to be social? With strangers, people you do business with, your spouse's friends, your acquaintances, etc.? It's super hard, and I don't like doing it! The rules for what is polite and what is expected change with every person, place, and situation. And the internet isn't any better! No one minds hurting someone else over the internet. They're just throwing cruel words out for fun. You're a name on a page, not a person. They'll even go out of their way to be a jerk. Even to me! I'm an incredibly pleasant person! I have hardly any armor against unprovoked attacks!

Lately, I'm really, really fed up with the world in general. I think to myself that it's best to give up on everyone that I don't already love. I feel trapped in this crowded city of bad drivers, unfriendly strangers, and acquaintances that don't let me talk. I really hate people. I feel like Roy from The IT Crowd, when he is moved to exclaim (pardon the language): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVSlE28hOgI

Since I moved, I haven't made any friends. Acquaintances, yes, but no friends. I don't have enough regular meetings with anyone to feel that it's polite to invite anyone over. So I've been socializing mostly with my husband's friends, people he's known since high school. Most of them I like, and it's definitely better than not meeting anyone at all, but...

Well, we had two birthday parties this last weekend. I went to the party on Friday in very low spirits, but it was a complete BLAST! Mostly, we talked and played Cosmic Encounters until past midnight. No one drank (well, one guy had a single glass of bourbon) or spent a lot of money. The other party, which I looked forward to, since my last social experience was positive, consisted of an expensive dinner and drinks at a yuppie hotel pub. Despite the stereotypical funniness of drinking friends, they were more obnoxious than anything. The first party was merely an example of how fantastic it is just to talk with a mix of nerdy and intellectual people. The second party needed money and alcohol to have a good time, and failed (for me. Maybe if I did act foolishly and drank I would've had a better time).

I could complain more, and I want to, but... there's the problem. While I really want to hate people in general, I don't want to be hated. While I feel hurt and want to lash out, I guess I don't want others to be hurt. I don't know if I feel the need to put up a false front of being nice, or if I'm actually trying to be nice instead, but it's a struggle. If I can't be truly happy alone, then I'll have to struggle with my naturally ill-natured self, and try to be social.

My plea to mankind: Don't make it harder for others around you. Be nice. We don't want to go outside as it is.